By Axel Chatwin
Experts find that a pattern of pursuing and distancing is the most common reason passion is lost in the bedroom. Sometimes, the woman pursues and the man distances himself, but it’s more often the other way around. When one partner becomes aggressive and critical, the other becomes distant and defensive.
Couples should work on eradicating this pattern before it destroys their relationship. It’s not as hard to rekindle the flame as you may think. Here are some ways to get your sex life back on track.
Be Gentle
Maybe you’re coming on too strong. Tender touching, hugging, and holding hands are old-fashioned, but very effective ways to affirm mutual appreciation. This kind of affection is a nice prelude to sexual contact. Try to extend the length of hugs, kisses, and sensual touching to restore the passion. Couples who are not willing to show vulnerability and relinquish control will avoid touching each other as well as having sex. Offer to give her a shoulder or back rub. Gentle touching can be a form of foreplay that’s especially recommended for men who aren’t the touchy-feely type.
End the Power Struggle
Couples should avoid blaming and criticizing each other. If the guy is coming on strong, he should stop demanding closeness and look for more subtle ways to express interest, like telling the woman how sexy she is. This way, she might start initiating sex or doing so more often. Some men tend to ignore foreplay, which is critical for the woman’s pleasure because it takes women longer to get aroused. Men have less of a need for it. Another reason they rush things is more objective: they don’t have enough time. All of this results in unsatisfying sex or no sex at all. Falling asleep right after you come is anything but passionate.
Never underestimate the power of stroking and caressing to stimulate a woman. Foreplay can also involve kissing, teasing, and some kinky stuff. It’s important to set the mood before a sexual encounter. Your sex life will improve as you get better at foreplay.
Learn New Things Together
Men who want to improve their sexual skills will find learning new ones with their partner worth trying. Maybe you need more practice going down on her. When in doubt, always ask. Communication is key. Some women won’t speak up because they’re shy and don’t feel comfortable doing it. You might be way off the mark and not even know it, even if you’ve been together for some time. Of course, it’s not your fault she never said anything. This is why you should ask. If you don’t get a satisfactory answer, ask again. You need to know what you’re doing. Aim for the spot at the base of the clitoris.
Perfecting this skill can open up many new and interesting routes to explore. It’s sure to rekindle or ignite the passion in the bedroom (or another room in your home).
Learning new skills isn’t limited to oral sex, of course. It can also include new positions. There are many ideas and techniques to explore. It makes sense to learn new ways to pleasure her if you want things to be more exciting in bed. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, you can always refuse.
Spend More Time With Her
Any mutual activity resulting in positive feelings can be a form of foreplay. Start going out again, just the two of you. Try things that bring both of you pleasure. You could even start flirting again.
Talk Dirty
This is also a nice way to restore passion. Many women are aroused by dirty talk. This could mean speaking in a sexy, sultry voice, or it can involve your choice of words. Remember it’s a fine line between sex talk and insult. What’s more, some people don’t feel confident enough to talk dirty. It can be worth trying. If you don’t know what to say, think of sexual questions to ask her.
Use Sex Toys
If the woman seems bored, maybe it’s time to mix things up a little. Many couples have found that the addition of sex toys has been a very nice change. They can excite women in ways they don’t always expect. Of course, there are great ones for men too. As a start, try a dildo vibrator. These offer multiple times the pleasure and fun because they combine vibrators and dildos. If she has never used either, she’s definitely in for a treat!
Products like these serve as sex aids to enhance pleasure. They can help her come faster or delay the pleasure depending on what she needs. Keeping an open mind is the most important thing. Always get products from specialized retailers. You can order one after talking to your partner about it or surprise her.
Stay Healthy
Staying healthy is just as important as improving your sex skills. The reasons passion dies are often health-related. Conditions like high blood pressure and diabetes play a role in sexual desire, as do factors like fatigue, depression, stress, and some types of medication. You should definitely watch your diet and never overindulge in red meat. Our diet affects our sex desire a great deal. Some foods increase your sex drive, while others lower it.
Research has shown a connection between fitness and sexual activity for women as well as men. A good fitness level correlates with sexual pleasure and satisfaction highly. This means the fitter you are, the better sex you have. The causal relationship is not clear as with every incidence of correlation. In other words, we don’t know whether people have better sex because they’re in shape or vice versa. It doesn’t matter; the connection is there. For men, proper fitness and exercise reduces the risk of common, but troubling issues like erectile dysfunction.
The truth is that there is no secret to good sex. Couples need to be willing and prepared to explore new things as long as they feel comfortable doing so.
